Relational Heroism

Many relationships are one moment away from getting unstuck and coming back to connection. But it’s a moment, as Bruce Springsteen sings, “that just don’t come.” What keeps people paralyzed? Continue reading

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Making Your Vibrator Really Hum

The Hitachi Magic Wand is often touted as one of the top vibrators for sexual use, and rightly so. Now there’s a way to make it even better. Continue reading

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Advice You Won’t Get from Any Other Therapist

I spend a lot of time thinking about my clients, and I summarize my ideas in weekly progress notes. To minimize wear and tear on my wrists, I dictate to a voice-input program on my computer.

This type of software has finally come of age, and its accuracy in transcribing my words is amazing. But all hearers, human or otherwise, make mistakes, and this program is no exception. Continue reading

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Scorpion Praise

Here’s the kind of thing I often hear in my office:

“He took me out to this funky tapas bar for our anniversary. It was so sweet! Of course, I had to remind him three times the week before.”

Another version:

“She initiated sex a couple of times this month, which was great. But things are still nowhere near even.”

I call this “scorpion praise”: appreciation with a sting in the tail.
Continue reading

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Welcome to My Blog

Here’s a list of some of the topics I plan to post about. Did I miss one you’re interested in? Leave a comment and let me know. My counseling work is based on collaborative feedback, and so is this blog.

  • Improving relationships: Tips for increasing emotional and physical intimacy
  • Think like a therapist: What goes on in my head when I’m with clients
  • Reviews you can use: My takes on books, websites, videos, and research articles
  • Critiquing counselors and counseling: What works, what doesn’t, and what to look for
  • Relationship resources: Useful handouts and exercises I give my clients
  • Funny you should say that: Counseling-related humor
  • When therapy goes wrong: Mistakes my colleagues and I make
  • Clearer communication: Small changes that make a big difference
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